On homosexuality and religion

Unfortunately, this is a difficult issue. [I realize that many people will read this and immediately think that it's NOT difficult, that it's simple. And all of those people will have different beliefs. THAT'S what makes it difficult.] There are a number of people who, in trying to be understanding and open-minded, probably come off as playing both sides. And when I think about that in relation to my own struggles as a black person and as a woman, I fully understand why those in the LGBTQ community just don't want to accept that anymore.

Many people have always believed - or want to believe - that all people have a right to their beliefs. And there is an attempt to offer that at face value - you have a right to believe homosexuality is wrong - nothing more, nothing less.

The problem with attempting to hold and share that view at face value is that those beliefs are so intricately tied to hate. [And even though that might not be true for every individual, it is absolutely true for the world at large.] Homosexuality is singled out and looked at differently than other behavior that is considered sinful. AND people often hate and show disdain and even DISGUST for gay PEOPLE. As problematic as the phrase "hate the sin not the sinner" is for many reasons, the biggest issue is that it's  simply not truthful. People hate the sin AND the sinner.

All that being said - even if all of that was taken at face value, out of context of the real world, and we pretended that people viewed homosexuality as any other sin and didn't feel hate and disgust for LGBTQ people, I know a lot of the LGBTQ community and their supporters still wouldn't be ok with that view. Why? Because it is still labeling who they believe they are to their core as a lifestyle, and as a lifestyle that is wrong.

Some people sincerely believe being gay is a sin, sincerely believe in hell and sincerely believe people will be "lost" for eternity. Those people who are not religious - especially those who have never been religious - can't understand that. And to a degree I understand why. It's insulting when what you feel is normal and real and right and powerful and loving and beautiful is called wrong. Beyond that,  from a religious standpoint, homosexuality is one of the only things that people disagree about actually being a sin. So in a sense there's a given separation because when we talk about things like adultery or murder or lying those are things that we all generally agree are wrong. So even when people are doing those things generally they're not arguing that it's okay, they're trying to hide it. And even if they do try to justify it, society at-large does not accept it.

It becomes much more difficult when we're dealing with something that not everybody thinks is wrong. Having conversations about hate wouldn't even be necessary if
1.) We could take the "hate the sin not the sinner" claim at face value, or
2.) We could all agree about whether homosexuality is right or wrong.
Without those things being the case - and they aren't and likely never will be - I don't know where the resolution is. The reality is that even if we are able to accomplish number one, a lot of the LGBTQ community wouldn't accept that. A lot of people are simply refusing to accept that kindness or love exists without acceptance. And a major argument - even solution - from religious groups is that there can be kindness and love without acceptance. And that's a sincerely held belief.

People aren't having this conversation honestly. We have to consider all of these things to do that. We have to acknowledge that we are at a point where the biggest solutions from each side are in direct opposition to each other. We have to address the fact that for many people there is no happy compromise. In order to address all of this we have to be honest. And too often, people simply aren't.

The Artist, The Teacher: What Prince taught us about sexiness and [black] masculinity.

Prince did something special for all people. But especially for black people. Something I think we fully acknowledge, through our love and admiration for him just as he was -- indeed, BECAUSE of who he was -- but something we also simultaneously ignore, or at least often overlook. Prince SUCCESSFULLY challenged all stereotypical ideas of manhood and masculinity.

He was a beautiful man. I read a piece written just a few months ago that called him "almost unnecessarily handsome." There was no question that he was sexy. Whether he was wearing platform shoes or flared sleeves or skin tight pants. When he whispered in that deep voice or sang in that falsetto, EVERYBODY, gender and sexuality aside, was mesmerized. The most hypermasculine men loved him. And of course, women loved him. Even women who preferred hypermasculine men loved him.

Hypermasculinity describes the exaggeration of male stereotypical behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, and sexuality.

Ok...so that last part...and Prince...ok yeah...



Anyway, hypermasculinity permeates every aspect of American culture, and is a problem worldwide. But as with every societal ill, it affects the oppressed and impoverished in more harsh, dangerous, and damaging ways. Black people had hypermasculinity forced on us. It's now been with us for a long time. It arrived with us on this continent. But it didn't necessarily come from our ancestors. It came from white supremacy. It was ingrained through slavery, through poverty, through the street, gang, and drug cultures [that were a result of oppression, segregation, and poverty]. It was a result of always needing to be the biggest, the strongest, a result of stereotypes as old as this nation, a result of the fear and conditioning of white people. And it forced us into thinking that toughness and hardness = manliness. That anything else was gay and that, of course, gay was bad.

There were other pop stars who refused to be defined by gender and racial norms or stereotypes and who broke barriers. But nobody was like Prince. And he did it as a straight man. He was admired by men and desired by women [and vice versa of course].

Not only did he always have a woman - but he always had a baaaaddd [read: good] woman. He always had a fly girl. Multiple women claim him as their one true love. He was somehow still a stereotypical man's man. Yet his style, his music, his persona, even his words challenged society's ideas about what that meant.

We know that. We see that. We feel that. Yet simultaneously we forget that. We ignore that. We refuse that.

Prince made space for black boys and men to challenge the confining roles placed upon them by society -- particularly the negative ones. And not just LGBTQ black boys and men. What Prince did was just as, if not more important, for men who like him, are heterosexual.

He showed and taught so many something we need to remember. There's not one way to be a man. Even a straight man. There's not one way to be sexy. Men can be creative, wild, even flamboyant. Men can be sensitive, thoughtful, and introspective. Men can be artsy, loving, and happy. Men - especially BLACK boys and men - can be FREE. And black girls and women can respect those men, love those men, and at an appropriate age desire those men. Prince taught us that. And that lesson was - and IS - as important as every bit of the amazing music he left us.

Prince with his protege - who for a time was also his girlfriend - Vanity (AKA Denise Matthews).

May we acknowledge that. 
May we teach our sons and our daughters.
May we never forget.

Thank you to The Artist who was also The Teacher.

We will never forget you Prince. Rest in Power.