Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Bill Cosby isn't the [only] problem! Here's the CRAZY that's making your arguments about Bill Cosby sound foolish!

I have tried so hard to stay away from this Bill Cosby stuff. But the ignorance I see today in the wake of the charges filed against him...it's too much. So here goes...

I get all the chatter. For those that are Bill Cosby fans (especially black fans), who have an emotional connection to his work and his legacy, it's HARD to see him like this. Personally, his many years of respectability politics soured me on him a bit as a person. BUT, I was still fiercely defensive of his contributions and legacy (if you know me, you know how I feel about A Different World) and I was hoping against all hope that we would find out that he was at most an adulterer that dabbled in recreational drugs--I mean, most of the celebrities we love fit that description, after all, so we could handle that--and that it would all go away. Unfortunately-for all involved personally and those of us watching from afar-it didn't end there.


I said on Facebook a while ago, 
"My view on the Bill Cosby situation: It's sad that people are so quick to believe these women's accusations with no real evidence. It's sad that people are so quick to dismiss these women's accusations with no real investigation."
This was my only commentary on the situation (outside of sharing the article written by Beverly Johnson), and I was referring to the public's knowledge when this first blew up, not to what had been presented in a courtroom. And for the most part, I still feel that way.

I go HARD for black people. HAARRDDD! EVERY DAY. Anybody who knows me knows that. And I have no problem with people who want due process for Bill Cosby or who are suspicious of the system. We all are suspicious of the system if we have sense.

BUT, I have a HUGE problem with the arguments I'm seeing-especially from black men-about why he shouldn't be charged. That's not arguing that he should have due process. That's arguing that there should be no process.

There's also a large number of white people-mostly conservatives-defending him. Their logic is ridiculous as well. Most centering around really nasty, sexist comments. and arguments about political correctness. (Basically what they say about everything.) And if you're agreeing with them that should automatically make you question your judgment.

So here's a quick run down of all the CRAZY that's making your arguments about Bill Cosby sound foolish:

--Yes, there is history here. The justice system isn't fair when it comes to black men. But it ain't fair when it comes to black women either. Do y'all understand that black women are very likely to be the victims of an unreported rape? Did you know that approximately 1 in 5 Black women in the U.S. experience rape at some point in their lives? When you make misogynistic comments about rape and rape victims, WE LOSE. Because those attitudes go far beyond Bill Cosby.

Black men lose too. Hyper-masculinity is stealing our boys' innocence AND their lives. Whether it's losing lives to gang violence or stereotypes and fear causing police to shoot unarmed men down in the streets. And think about all the black boys who are victims of sexual predators, who hide their abuse for years or don't speak up at all because they are afraid of being labeled as gay. Y'all, NOBODY wins when we protect predators, except predators. You're not protecting black people by protecting black predators-whether it's Bill Cosby or your Uncle Bill.

But then again...how can we expect some of y'all to question Bill Cosby when Uncle Bill was sitting at Christmas dinner? ..........



DEAL WITH IT.

--Yes, Woody Allen should be in jail. So should R. Kelly (though if you're wholeheartedly defending Bill, you might be defending Robert too). So should the cops that killed Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, John Crawford, and many others. So should half the folks in politics and on wall street. So should your cousin that ain't up to no good. That doesn't mean Bill Cosby shouldn't.

--Charlie Sheen is irrelevant. Period.

--This ain't a distraction. And when you keep arguing that about everything, you're saying we're not intelligent enough to deal with more than one issue, which simply isn't true. It might be for you. But I ain't distracted. I've been posting and reading about Tamir and many other things all day. Why can't you multitask? You don't have a problem keeping up with all the housewives and sports wives and everything that's happening in ShondaLand and on Empire at the same damn time. You can handle two conversations about real life matters.

--Don't assume that because a lot of time has passed that these women are lying. And don't assume that the time lapse means they never spoke up. Some rape victims are dissuaded from pursuing their case, some pursued cases that were dropped, some may have been afraid to speak up. We all know that rape victims are abused all over again in the court system. Don't be a part of that. 


We were just celebrating the conviction of Daniel HotlzclawDo you know why those women didn't come forward sooner-they didn't think anyone would believe them. There was an imbalance of POWER. That's important y'all. And once one went public, others felt more confident and safe. How can we champion women in one case and be so quick to disparage them in another? And remember, there were a LOT of people who championed Holtzclaw, and a lot of people who DIDN'T believe those women. Some of you are treating Cosby's accusers the same way.

--Bill Cosby did not start preaching respectability because his son was killed. He started preaching respectability because that's what [many] people of his generation do. That's what they were taught. That's what they felt was necessary. And you know what-when you come from a generation in which the perception of your behavior could easily turn into a life or death situation, preaching about behavior comes partially from an attempt at self preservation. It also comes from a lack of understanding of systemic racism and oppression. But it didn't come from a hit on his son to keep him from standing up for us. He believed the stuff he said. And he's not the only one. And there are plenty of people that preach respectability and still believe they are fighting for us. Stop believing every meme you read. 

--Understand that Bill Cosby is not Cliff Huxtable. Bill Cosby wasn't the lovable TV dad we all wished lived in our homes. That's not him. GET THAT. These women aren't the only people who made accusations about his arrogance. That doesn't make him guilty. But folks, we have to see him outside of his most famous TV persona. 

--Nothing erases the good he's done. His work is brilliant. His contributions to American culture-especially black culture-is invaluable. They can take his name off of endowments or cut ties at universities or take honorary degrees or whatever. Millions have benefited from his work and contributions-both on television and in the real world. Thousands, maybe millions of black students have gone to college because of his work and financial contributions. He is a comedy legend. His television shows changed lives. That doesn't mean he is innocent. He is Bill y'all. Not Cliff. 


We have celebrated the art of Nazi sympathizers and racists and other horrible people. IF he is guilty, we can recognize his greatness and entertain the idea that there is another part of him that is horrible. Because he's human. And humans are complex. 

But these ignorant comments completely absolving him and condemning these women-so many women-has to STOP. We have too much to lose.

Some of y'all need to understand how patriarchy is intertwined with white supremacy. It's nothing to perpetrate or celebrate. I truly hope Bill gets due process. Even though I don't trust the process. But I can't just sit here and say he shouldn't have to deal with this. And you shouldn't either. It's HARD to watch. I would get no pleasure from watching him die in jail. But for those of you who are angry and blaming these women and spouting conspiracy theories...what if he did do it? To even ONE person? What if he did? Does time mean that goes away? Does a settlement mean they just wanted money (or does it mean he paid for silence)? Are you so blinded by the fantasy of what happened in that Brooklyn Heights brownstone that real world pain doesn't matter?

Listen, I'm not saying you have to hate Bill Cosby or even that you HAVE to believe all the accusations against him. This is an image that nobody who loved Heathcliff Huxtable EVER wanted to see! But again, the man in this picture is Bill. Not Cliff.


And to be honest, I grieve for all that I loved about Bill AND Cliff. Looking at this picture brings heaviness to my heart. I stared at it for about 10 seconds and it brought tears to my eyes. And I don't even know this man. I'd be lying if I said that his legacy and his current physical frailness don't make this difficult. But this foolishness that's floating around has to stop. And we have to stop these conversation that deter victims from coming forward, particularly when they have to battle an abuser who has power. These women are old enough to be mothers and grandmothers. Many have not accepted money and are not asking for any. We at least owe it to them-to OURSELVES-to consider their stories.

Whether it's Bill Cosby, or R. Kelly, or somebody you know--if there are predators among us, we can't protect them. No matter how much we love or admire them. 

Friday, December 11, 2015

I love my people, but - about this misogyny ish...

Black people I love y'all. I mean I LOVE y'all. I LOVE US. Unashamedly and without apology. I LOVE MY PEOPLE. So much so that the weight of that love almost feels physical. I have so much love for those who came before us, and those who live now, who fight, strive, create, contribute, shape, and conquer, in spite of very deliberate oppression.
BUT...

We HAVE to do better when it comes to dealing with patriarchy, misogyny and sexism--and all the hypocrisy, abuse and respectability that comes with these things--in our community.

Here are some VERY basic definitions:
Patriarchy: a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it
Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women
Sexism: prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex

We have to identify these things, call them out, and squash them. Black women are entirely too vulnerable and we need the protection of our community-men and women alike. We need to be afforded innocence as girls and support as women. We need to be given space to be free and grow and live and love--and even DRESS--as we see fit. We need to be cherished and understood and respected and LOVED.

We are the BACKBONE of our people. We take up the slack that black men leave behind whether due to being incarcerated, disenfranchised, or killed due to systemic racism and white supremacy or simply due to selfishness, disrespect and immaturity. Whatever the case, we are always here. And we are THRIVING. We are pursuing degrees at a higher rate than ANY other group. But we're women, so of course we're not getting fair promotion or equal pay. Still, in spite of the individual and intertwined challenges we face as both black people and women, WE ARE HERE.

The way we as a people allow misogyny, patriarchy, and sexism to run rampant in our communities is akin to us hating our blackness and not seeing our worth as people. And giving in to those things to police our clothes, activities, friends, and our lives in general is not ok. When you unfairly criticize or disregard us because we don't fit a certain mold or type, you leave us vulnerable and open to a society that already stereotypes us and judges us harshly. (Not to mention, it's extremely hypocritical.) 

We don't have to be perfect people to deserve recognition and respect. We don't have to be perfect people to deserve to be seen outside of generalizations and stereotypes. We don't have to be perfect people to be allowed to make choices and live freely, and be respected even if those choices don't match up to some societal idea of what is good or right or classy or ladylike. We don't have to be perfect people to be worthy of treatment as human beings and respect as women. We have been taught to hate black women just as we have been taught to hate ourselves as black people. But we are not making progress in dealing with the former as we are making in dealing with the latter. And that has to CHANGE.

Challenge yourself black man, challenge yourself black women, to do better for and be better to US. We are all striving to be better as individuals. To grow and learn and build. But even NOW, in the absence of perfection, we deserve respect and protection. And black men-you are a huge part of that. Daddies and uncles and grandfathers and brothers and cousins--how girls and women see themselves in this male dominated society starts with YOU. Whether we view ourselves beyond the way our bodies are received is greatly influenced by whether YOU do. Whether we think we are strong, smart, and worthy is largely influenced by whether YOU do. DO BETTER. We deserve that.