I love my people, but - about this misogyny ish...

Black people I love y'all. I mean I LOVE y'all. I LOVE US. Unashamedly and without apology. I LOVE MY PEOPLE. So much so that the weight of that love almost feels physical. I have so much love for those who came before us, and those who live now, who fight, strive, create, contribute, shape, and conquer, in spite of very deliberate oppression.

BUT...

We HAVE to do better when it comes to dealing with patriarchy, misogyny and sexism--and all the hypocrisy, abuse and respectability that comes with these things--in our community.

Here are some VERY basic definitions:

Patriarchy: a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it

Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women

Sexism: prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex

We have to identify these things, call them out, and squash them. Black women are entirely too vulnerable and we need the protection of our community-men and women alike. We need to be afforded innocence as girls and support as women. We need to be given space to be free and grow and live and love--and even DRESS--as we see fit. We need to be cherished and understood and respected and LOVED.

We are the BACKBONE of our people. We take up the slack that black men leave behind whether due to being incarcerated, disenfranchised, or killed due to systemic racism and white supremacy or simply due to selfishness, disrespect and immaturity. Whatever the case, we are always here. And we are THRIVING. We are pursuing degrees at a higher rate than ANY other group. But we're women, so of course we're not getting fair promotion or equal pay. Still, in spite of the individual and intertwined challenges we face as both black people and women, WE ARE HERE.

The way we as a people allow misogyny, patriarchy, and sexism to run rampant in our communities is akin to us hating our blackness and not seeing our worth as people. And giving in to those things to police our clothes, activities, friends, and our lives in general is not ok. When you unfairly criticize or disregard us because we don't fit a certain mold or type, you leave us vulnerable and open to a society that already stereotypes us and judges us harshly. (Not to mention, it's extremely hypocritical.) 

We don't have to be perfect people to deserve recognition and respect. We don't have to be perfect people to deserve to be seen outside of generalizations and stereotypes. We don't have to be perfect people to be allowed to make choices and live freely, and be respected even if those choices don't match up to some societal idea of what is good or right or classy or ladylike. We don't have to be perfect people to be worthy of treatment as human beings and respect as women. We have been taught to hate black women just as we have been taught to hate ourselves as black people. But we are not making progress in dealing with the former as we are making in dealing with the latter. And that has to CHANGE.

Challenge yourself black man, challenge yourself black women, to do better for and be better to US. We are all striving to be better as individuals. To grow and learn and build. But even NOW, in the absence of perfection, we deserve respect and protection. And black men-you are a huge part of that. Daddies and uncles and grandfathers and brothers and cousins--how girls and women see themselves in this male dominated society starts with YOU. Whether we view ourselves beyond the way our bodies are received is greatly influenced by whether YOU do. Whether we think we are strong, smart, and worthy is largely influenced by whether YOU do. DO BETTER. We deserve that.